Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
What do you got your crit boots on over there?
Is that a thing?
Do I have crit boots?
Because if so, I haven't been wearing them.
I'm going to start getting the water out of the well and getting it all pumped out and into the into the next room.
Just just like we planned.
OK, I turn around and I'm going to blight Mr. Snakearm.
As you do this, he raises one of his snake arms and your spell fizzles.
He is going to morph into a snake and he slithers back into the room behind him.
I'm going to dash to see if I can see where that guy went.
You come around the corner and he has disappeared from sight.
I guess I just pull that lever.
You pull the lever and the water drains as it did before.
Back in the other room, you guys hear water coming out and down a sluice that follows along the wall and goes to the divination pool.
The water hits the pool and flares with a black light.
If you seek information, we demand a personal sacrifice.
I reach into my bag of holding and I pull out the book about the druids knowing I have not read all there is to read.
I take the book and I throw it into the swirling colors.
The book hits the water and lights up with an enormous flare.
What is your question?
My question is who in the cult of the dragon can be turned to our side to help the fight to stop the rise of Tiamat?
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We are a fifth edition actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master Russ More and with me today the lovely and talented Amy More.
Why are you sucking up, Russ?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come on now.
Sorry.
Also with me.
I mean, she is lovely and talented.
You're not wrong.
It's true. It's a true story.
Also with me today, Carla Johnson, who is the interrupting one.
And I'm new Laura Moonbrook.
Oh, I didn't I didn't even say mine.
If you don't know by now, like just go back and start listening from episode three episode three.
You can actually go back to the recap after episode 15.
But there is some good stuff before.
Anyways, I'm also silently waiting Tom Laird.
Yep, that's me.
I play Flint Firebeard.
Welcome everybody.
How was everybody today?
Oh, so great.
Doing really well.
Super good.
Excellent.
How you doing?
I'm doing great.
Nice.
Yeah.
Now we got all the all the pleasantries out of the way.
Yeah.
Let's do this.
It's so nice.
Now we've stopped functioning and normal people.
Hit record.
Every time.
You know what?
We do fine on the intro.
And it's until you're like, how's everyone doing?
We're like, I don't know.
Regular person answer.
They froze.
What do people say?
We did okay once we hit record today.
It was once I started talking and doing the intro.
That's when you guys kind of shut down.
I shut down so I don't interrupt.
My programming does not account for feelings.
I try not to interrupt you because when I talk over here,
you aren't happy when you have to edit because you're
like Amy, you were itching your shoulder like really
loudly the entire time I was talking and now I just
kind of sit really still and try not to breathe.
It's when you chew licorice or scratch yourself.
Don't say that.
This sounds like I'm like scratching myself.
That's just sort of itching his head.
I'm like, no, that's not what anyone was thinking.
Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.
So I just want to say thank you to everybody on
Patreon who's joined us in the last month.
Thank you.
Yes.
Thank you.
I also want to say thank you.
That's amazing.
And part of being a patron of Dumbgeons and Dragons
means we dedicate a random episode to one of our patrons
and today that is Adam Farber.
Adam Farber.
We know that guy.
I know that guy.
I mean over the internet.
I don't know him personally, but yeah, yeah, it's 2017.
Does anyone really know Adam Farber?
That's knowing, isn't it?
Over the internet counts just as knowing now.
I think so.
I think if someone's giving you money over the internet,
you guys are pretty much family.
I think.
I mean, he's been giving us money since we started Patreon.
So, oh, oh gee, Patreon.
You demand.
Oh gee, Farbs.
Yeah, Adam, we know from Bros and Dragons.
He interviewed us and we did horribly.
We sure did.
We should not be interviewed ever.
But then we did it again after that, which we did better at.
So sorry, Adam.
Thank you for donating money to us.
But sorry for the terrible interview.
It was our virgin interview.
It was.
It was bound to be bad.
Yeah, we would love to do that again better.
We'll link the bad one so you get some downloads on your interview there.
Everybody go click the download link for that interview.
Just listen to it until you don't know what's happening anymore.
Until you feel sufficiently embarrassed for us and then you can turn it off.
Here's a better plan.
Download it.
Skip right to the last five seconds.
Listen to that and then it will count as if you listen to the whole thing.
Well, I like that.
I want him to get the listens without anyone actually listening.
That's the perfect plan.
Exactly.
Although I've cracked the code guys.
Okay.
So the people have to do that right away because starting in December,
Apple podcast is putting out new download information and that won't count anymore.
I don't think.
Oh, no.
Man, they're going to actually make people listen to the podcast.
It's weird.
Yeah, I know, right?
Hopefully, that works in our favor.
Everybody's listening to the whole thing, right?
Well, you got to hear those sweet bloops at the end.
All those sweet bloops.
I have to start listening to our podcast again.
Jesus.
Although I think there's the odd episode when Russ is really in a hurry
that the bloops don't get included at the end and every time I'm like,
Oh, no.
Oh, if Tom is disappointed, how many other people are you disappointed?
If there are no bloops at the end, it's because we did a spot on show.
Oh, no, that certainly is not the truth.
That has definitely never happened.
Or it's because I'm up till two o'clock in the morning the night before it released.
There we go.
Yeah, see, I think that's more likely.
That's more possible.
And rather than move the clip, I think is funny.
I just delete it.
Yeah, because we did such a bad job.
You're literally up till two o'clock in the morning fixing it.
Thank you, Adam, for being a patron.
And thanks, Adam.
And if you want to check out our Patreon page and join the community,
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And if you get in before the end of November,
we're going to be sending out those sweet holiday cards from the dumb
dragon crew and you could get in on that for this year.
But if you don't before the end of November, you're going to miss it
until next year.
Oh, my God, that's a really big commitment.
What next year?
I don't even know what's going to happen in the next couple of months,
Russ, let alone podcasting next December.
We're saying you don't want to podcast anymore.
Are you breaking this to me right now?
Wait, are you guys not going to be married anymore?
What's happening?
I don't know what's happening.
I think what's more important is we figure out what we're doing
for those damn holiday cards.
And I'm thinking really awkward family photo Photoshop together.
Yeah, just send me a picture of each of yourselves and I'll Photoshop
it together like we're standing one behind the other with our hands
on each other's shoulders.
Oh, I like that.
Please wear an ugly Christmas sweater.
Yeah, try and try and take it on like a white-ish background
and then we'll just I'll just make it work.
Or we should do something really great, like, you know,
just like white t-shirt and jeans or like a head-to-toe,
just jean outfit.
Maybe they're so is it weird that that would be way easier
for me to pull off than a white t-shirt and jeans?
I don't own a white t-shirt.
I don't have options for either of those.
I have jeans.
The rest is out the door.
You can borrow one of my jean jackets.
Perfect.
You're not a tiny human at all.
It'll work perfectly.
It's going to work out perfectly.
You're not six to eight inches taller than me.
It's no problem.
It's totally fine.
So Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
and whatever comes of this conversation will be sent to you
a little bit to everything around the holidays.
It'd be super fun.
Yeah.
Oh, no, wait.
Oh, hold on.
I have a better one.
Here we go.
This is a whole episode now and I like it.
Yeah, this is it.
This is we're actually not going to play today.
We're just going to discuss holiday cards.
Style chat with the dumb dragon crew.
You need to have your picture taken on your belly,
elbows down, head on your hands, feet up in like the cutesy,
like kicking, like sleepover slumber party position.
And then the card will have just each of our pictures side
by side, just like, ah, I'm making a lot of hand gestures.
And I can just imagine you guys are picturing exactly what
I'm doing.
I think I am.
I kind of love everything that's happening.
I'm into it.
OK, so I think that's going to happen.
And it doesn't matter what you wear.
But make sure it's festive.
Obviously, it doesn't matter.
But like make sure.
Well, no, but like go to the dollar store and get some
like antlers or like a Santa hat or something.
All right.
Well, I'm I'm glad we figured that out.
Good.
Because if I had texted you, what do you guys want to do
for the holiday card?
I would have gotten none of that.
I know.
Actually, we probably just wouldn't have responded.
Yeah.
God damn it.
I'd like to ghost you.
Be like, let's just not.
But we do have a completely separate side chat going.
You know what makes me angry about that?
Is we'll be having like, you know, really grinds my gears.
We'll be having a lengthy conversation
about a lot of different things.
Just random bullshit.
I will toss in one D&D podcast related question
and you just fucking stop.
And we're like, don't talk shop to us.
Come on now.
And everybody sees it because I can see that you see it.
We were all having a really good time
and then you brought this into it.
And then Bossman Russ showed up.
Fuck you guys.
Mr. Boss Applesauce just comes in here.
On my break.
Anyways, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon test.
I think this is going really well.
Thea, you asked a question.
Who in the cult of the dragon
can be turned to our side to help the fight
to stop the rise of Tiamat?
And you are standing staring into the pool.
Nularaaaa is back to the pool.
Flint has not entered the room yet.
And the pool says to you,
the answer to this question has three parts.
The first you will find on your current path and quite near.
But you must move quick as his light grows darker
as the seconds pass.
The second you will find, but you must seek.
Descent in the ranks among the old guard.
Find commonalities in those loyal to the Dracoliches.
And you see an image of an emblem
of the head of a Dracolich,
which is an animated skeleton dragon
side by side the emblem of the cult of the dragon.
Third is a question unasked,
but an answer you will need
to defeat the rise of Tiamat.
Of you three, one must die.
One will live and one will be lost forever.
And in the pool,
you see an image of Thea, Nularaaaa and Flint back to each
surrounded by the five heads of Tiamat
with flames rising everywhere.
And the water in the pool in a glorious
flourish of light evaporates.
And Flint enters the room as this happens.
What did I miss?
We definitely didn't let one of the bad guys get away.
Oh, good. Neither did I.
Oh, no, we did.
Yeah, we did.
Two of us are definitely two of us are definitely going to come to some sort of
some sort of negative end here apparently.
Oh, that doesn't sound good.
Uh, okay.
So, okay.
All right.
But did the pool tell you like what do we do next?
Oh, shit. I'm the only one who heard it.
Yeah. Oh, oh, God.
Okay. So you guys I got some good news and I got some bad news.
So the good news is that we are going to find someone who's going to help us
and apparently we're not going to have to look very hard,
but we're going to have to go fast because he or she is not doing so well.
The second part is that there is some descent in the ranks
and we might get a little bit of help out of that from the old guard
and the people who are loyal to the Dracoliches.
Dracolites something like that.
Anyway, and they showed me a nice picture too.
It's like a skeletal dragon that side by side with a cult of the dragon in the middle.
I think when we see it, we'll know it.
And then, you know, the last part no big deal just like one of us is going to live.
One of us is going to die in the other world be lost forever surrounded by all the heads of Tiamat,
which obviously if that is showing me the future,
we're not, I don't know, like we're, I don't know.
It's like if I saw that, is that going to happen you guys?
I'm freaking out over here.
Thea kind of sits down with her back against the well edge of the pool,
just kind of like I awkwardly pat her shoulder.
Any indication who's going to die or who's nothing, nothing?
No, I just saw all of us just back to back battling the heads of Tiamat.
It was, it didn't look good you guys, but.
You know what though, sounds like a hell of a way to go out.
All right, so you're volunteering, great.
Well, I mean, I didn't, I didn't say that, but you know,
if the time comes and the need is there, you can count on me.
I mean, it's what we've been working towards this whole time.
I guess so, I just, I saw an ending to the fight and the conflict,
not an ending to one of us.
I mean, ideally, you know, if we did our job properly, Tiamat wouldn't rise.
We wouldn't have to be fighting his five heads.
That's what I was thinking, but if I saw that, does that mean we're not going to do that?
One of the odds that's going to happen.
We'll remember this moment.
Vision smidgen is fine.
So I think we should go.
I think we should go because the light of someone who might help us grows darker.
I think we need to have a.
Let's do it.
I think we should go into Didarius's tomb.
It's the only place we haven't been yet,
and that's where that snaky hand motherfucker ran off to.
Let's go in there.
You guys pick yourselves up and run into the crypt of Didarius.
You enter this room and you see the massive stone sarcophagus
sitting atop the step stone dais in the center of the room.
The walls are decorated with life-sized frescoes
showing the lost gods of Nethral and Anoria.
And you see nothing else, no other doors, no ways in or out.
But you also do not see the Yon T who escaped.
Oh, he's in here somewhere.
I walk up the steps to the big sarcophagus and I examine it.
What are you two doing?
Well, the is examining the sarcophagus,
probably just like poking around the rest of the room,
like trying to see if I don't know if there's like a loose brick or something
Should you maybe tap like six of them in Harry Potter
and they're all going to rearrange themselves to a pathway to Diagon Alley?
Because we know that a creature entered here left somehow.
So yeah, just like looking for tripwires or like doors or whatever.
Sure. Do you two want to make an investigation check?
Sure I do.
I would love to.
You are looking around and you look behind the frescoes of Nethral and Anoria
and you see behind those there is a thin plaster wall behind four of them.
And then you hear as Thea steps up near the sarcophagus on top of the dais,
you hear a deep and clear voice which says
You approach Diderius in repose.
I know what you seek.
And that is...
Just kidding.
Will you help us?
I'm like fucking around with a god.
Like, I don't know what I'm doing.
The brain doll scramble.
He is so overwhelmed.
Exactly.
He is so overwhelmed right now.
He says Yon T have taken the one called Varam beyond their portal in the northern wall.
Be prepared for I shall open the way to peril.
And you feel a magical force wash over the three of you.
And you suddenly feel rejuvenated.
Perhaps that all of your hit points and spell slots are back.
Yeah Diderius!
And at that instant you hear the sound of grinding stone coming from the northern wall.
And as you look you see a door a passageway open into a hallway.
And you hear frantic yelling of many voices in draconic saying
New Laura you hear this because you speak draconic.
You hear
They're coming.
Hurry.
Hurry quick.
And as you round the corner to this passageway you see the chamber in full view.
And you are immediately hit by a blast of uncomfortably hot and humid air,
which is very counterpoint to what this entire area has been.
It's been very cool and dry.
The walls down this passageway are rough natural stone that appears slick with slime and moisture.
And at the end of the 20-foot hallway,
you see six lizard folk readying their clubs and javelins holding spiked shields charging forward in attack.
Roll for initiative.
Bring it.
Also just side note.
I also speak draconic.
You do?
Yes, I do.
I looked at your sheet.
I didn't see it.
What?
Right here.
Well, I didn't see it.
Oh, well it was below the hidden messages.
I rolled a three.
Sorry, a four to get to get that out of the way.
Had I rolled a 20, I would have been upset.
I hate rolling.
I had 11.
Big roll.
22.
Oh, Carla.
No, this is bad.
It means I used my one good roll for the whole whole session.
How many dragon folk is there?
Sorry, I just...
You see six lizard folk and you and Thea heard them calling for help as well.
But there are six of them running towards you.
Three of them have javelins and spiked shields.
Three of them have another weapon.
Clubs, I think you said.
Clubs is what I said.
I'm going to go get a beer because I'm last.
Kill them.
Kill them, Carla.
I hope to.
If I didn't already have my sword out, I'm pretty sure I already did.
But just in case I didn't, I pull it out.
Say movie Caliente.
Flametongue.
A fire.
It's amazing.
Just like it always is.
Every time I always just catch my breath a little bit when it happens.
Take my breath away.
Okay.
So I guess I'm just going to try and attack the one closest to me.
So the first one running down the hallway.
Yeah, for sure.
Twelve?
I wrote this down somewhere.
I swear 12 does not hit.
Well, good thing.
I've got that.
Sorry.
Second attack.
That is a 17.
17 will hit.
Okay.
So that is five plus two plus two.
That is nine damage on that one.
Donnie will try and take a little chompy chomp out of that same one, but he got an 11.
So that, I imagine, will not do it.
11 will not do it.
You rush forward and meet the first lizard folk.
Missing, glancing off his shield on the first swing and cutting deep into him on the second.
He's still up and it's his turn and he swings at you with his club.
For a, that's probably not good.
That's an 11.
That will not do it.
But then tries to strike you with his spiked shield for a 12.
Still will not do it.
And his friend immediately to his right does the same.
Strikes at you with his, I'll re-roll that one.
Strikes at you with his club and shield and just runs into the wall, basically.
He had a lot of momentum.
Yeah, sure.
Three and four throw their javelins.
One at Flint and one at Thea through the hall.
Flint, that will be a 17.
Yep.
Wait, it was a javelin, you said?
Yes.
Yes, that will hit.
Okay, and Thea, that will be an 11.
Not good enough.
Okay, so Flint, you are going to take six piercing damage from this javelin coming towards you.
Yulara, after they release their javelins, they are going to try and smash you into the wall with their spiked shields.
Okay.
Both roll a 21.
Well, that will do it.
I'm getting stuffed into a locker, just like high school all over again.
You get battering rammed into the wall and take seven off the first hit and eight piercing damage off the second hit.
So that's a total of 15 piercing damage.
Okie dokie.
And then it is Flint's turn.
Fuck him up, Flint.
Any particular one?
Just whoever you can get, just get them all.
That sounds good to me.
Russ, who's closest to me?
They're pretty much all on Yulara right now.
So if you run these...
I better go crashing in there then.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah, I will I will go jumping on into the fray.
And that is a...
I feel like every single time we fight, I roll a critical in like one of my first attacks.
And it's getting to the point where I'm not even believing it, but like it happened again.
So here we go.
We're gonna have to start playing with a webcam just so we watch those rolls.
Like for reals, it was teetering as it went over and landed on the 20.
And I'm like, for fuck's sake.
I'm not even lying.
I believe you, Tom.
I believe you.
I'm not pulling a Travis McElroy.
This is legitimately happening.
He admitted he fakes his rolls.
I don't like that.
The integrity of it all.
Stern disapproval from Russ More.
Yes, it's time to unleash some hell here.
So I will roll some damage.
Okay.
Thirty four.
Thirty four damage.
So you run into the into the mess that is crowding around Nulara and you strike into what you presume is the strongest of these lizard folk and cut through him and it scatters the others knocking them back.
And the one you strike falls dead to the ground.
So it's like a hot knife through butter.
Yeah.
Butter with an A-H at the end.
Hot knife through lizard folk.
All right.
Okay.
I will I will turn around and attack someone else.
Okay, that's better.
Not a critical.
Twenty two.
Yeah, that will still hit.
Excellent.
That's not better, Tom.
I know.
What's wrong with your priorities right now?
Yeah, I'm not entirely sure.
So that is twenty three points of damage.
Got rollers guilt.
That's a thing.
I'm sure.
Yeah, one totally do.
One of the lizard folk you knock back and you catch on your backswing and cut through him and he falls to the ground dead as well.
It is.
Oh, go ahead.
Sorry.
I would like to take an action surge and mix in one more attack.
Sure.
Yeah, do it.
That is an 18.
18 will still hit.
Perfect.
Eight and three.
Boo.
Eleven to fifteen.
One that is knocked prone tries to hold up its shield, but you knock it to the side and cut through it in the ground and it is dead as well.
Now it's guys.
And now it's Thea's turn.
How big is this hallway that we're in?
It is about 10 feet across and 20 feet from where you entered until the next open cavern area.
Okay, I'm going to produce flaming sphere right in front of the furthest because he battle rammed through there, right?
Flint scattered them.
Yeah.
So is there one that's like a good five feet away that I could safely?
Yeah, yeah, we'll see.
Engulf in flames.
Sure.
Perhaps and not kill my friends at the same time.
Yep.
Neat.
Okay, so I will I will do that.
I will produce a flame right like literally a foot in front of him.
So he's engulfed in the five foot flame.
Sure.
I am going to use my fourth spell slot for this.
Oh, yeah.
So it is going to be a 46 damage.
Is there any save against it or it just happens?
Oh, no, this just happens.
Nope.
Dexterity save.
Yeah, because I guess you could try to jump out of the way because ouch fire.
Oh, fuck.
Well, you get to take half this.
I'm glad that I bumped it up to five, seven, nine.
Fine.
You can take four damage, but it's coming back for you.
Sure.
So this lizard folk is wide eyed as it is engulfed in these flames.
But steps sidesteps the bulk of the damage and it is neither of those turns because
they're dead now.
Nuara, your turn.
There's still four left.
Probably still a couple on me.
There are three left, two nearest you, one back by the flaming sphere.
I'm going to stay away from the flaming sphere.
Seems appropriate.
And go for, you know, one of the ones on me.
That is a 15.
15 will hit.
Okay, 10 damage.
And then oh, I lied.
It's more than that.
Damn it.
It's 2d6.
It's only one more than that.
It's one more than that.
Okay.
I think I forgot my second d6.
That's a 24 on my second attack.
That will also hit.
And that is 9 plus 4 is 13, 16, 18 damage on that attack.
Is it really a d12?
Okay.
Oh, god damn it.
Sorry, I fell off the desk.
That's a 6.
Your first strike sprays blood all along the already slick wall and your second
cleaves through into its shoulder, severing its head from its body.
Not entirely, but begins to fall apart and he falls to the ground dead.
Gross.
I love it.
And I yell like, yeah girl, peel him like a banana.
I'm a banana, I'm a banana.
Quiet, we probably have to pay rights for that too.
Yeah, probably.
Donnie?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, Donnie's going to give somebody a little chomp chomp.
No, he's not.
That was a critical fail.
That's fair.
I'd rather Donnie gets it than me.
I'm happy for Donnie to just keep like whiffing it every time.
Okay.
It is the second lizard folks turn and he looks at you Nularaaaa as you have just
decimated his closest and nearest and dearest friend and he rushes forward to you
with his heavy club and spiked shield and his heavy club is a 14 to strike you.
Nope.
And his spiked shield is a 22 to strike you.
Yes, convincingly on that one.
You will take eight piercing damage as he rams into you and again knocks you
against the slick disgusting wall.
Oh, what's on this wall?
The look of Russ's face is like, oh no.
It's just like mossy and stuff, but it feels real gross because it's him.
And then it is the flaming sphere guy's turn.
He's going to run towards Flint with his club and that is a 20 to 20.
A 20-20.
You rolled a 40.
I'm pretty sure I'm impervious to clubs, but try your best.
You're impervious to clubs.
Yeah, that's right.
That's been like from day one Russ.
Come on.
Yeah, day one of high school.
He looked at all those clubs and he was like lame.
Are you actually impervious to clubs?
No, of course not Russ.
Come on.
You did say it very like, is that a thing?
For a second I was like, I didn't think he had any damage immunities.
Okay, so yeah, he hits you with his club and that's going to be eight bludgeoning
damage, but then he's also going to go in for a good old bite and that's going
to be a 23, which is going to be another six piercing damage to you, sir.
Okay.
And then it's your turn.
Well, I think we all know where this is going.
17.
17 will hit.
21.
Woo!
So you were going for the one that just hit and bit you, yes?
Oh yes.
Yeah, he in surprise, you know, forgets that you just knocked out three of his
friends and you strike through him and he falls to the ground dead, keeping
that surprise look on his face.
Excellent.
How many more of these things are left?
There is one still engaged in combat with Nulara.
Perfect.
I'm going to run up behind him and pretty much take his head off.
Going to say you have advantage on that because he shield battered her.
Oh, sweet, because my first roll wasn't great, so this is much better.
25.
Yep, that'll hit.
26 damage.
You don't get to see the look on his face, but Nulara, you see the look of sheer
panic as this lizard folk dies and falls to the ground and you're covered in lizard
folk blood.
These lizard people have very, very expressive faces.
They do, don't they?
They do.
They tell a story as they die.
There's something kind of beautiful in that.
You hear from down the hall as this final lizard folk falls to the ground, footsteps
coming up from around the corner in the cavern that you're about to enter.
I think we got to hurry, guys.
I think Varam is the one that isn't doing so well that we got to grill for some
information.
Yep.
Let's go.
You rush into the cavern.
Can I bring my ball with me?
Sure.
Yep.
Said that in a less childlike way.
I pictured you with a big rubber bouncy ball.
You're just like, Oh, 100%.
Throwing against all the goopy, dirty walls.
Bonk bonk.
You enter the next cavern and it is more of this slick mold and moss covered walls
and you see running towards you, four more lizard folk and three yonti creatures.
Yonti motherfuckers.
One of them has a human body with a snake head.
The other, a human head and body with snakes for arms, but doesn't look like the one
that got away from you.
The third, a human head and upper body with a serpentine lower body instead of legs.
Ah, these guys are ugly.
Everybody make a wisdom saving throw.
Oh, guys.
Oh, my God.
16.
17.
I think you're impervious to charm, aren't you?
Me?
Yeah.
Tell that to Salazar, am I right?
Hello.
I missed that motherfucker.
I thought you couldn't.
Yes.
I have advantage on saving throws.
So you get to roll twice.
Yes.
Magic just can't put me to sleep.
Well, my first roll was better.
Sure.
Because it was 20.
You hear one of the Yonti creatures say, it's time to follow us.
But none of you feel the need to follow him.
I yell, nuh-uh.
And then I throw my ball at his face.
Thea, you're up first.
Yeah, I am.
I throw my ball at his face.
She already told you what she was doing.
I did.
I'm actually, yes, I'm going to do that because I can.
That's a bonus because it's already out.
So I'm going to throw my ball at his face.
Make a dexterity saving throw.
At the one who spoke?
Yeah.
That loud-mouthed mcmotherfucker over there.
Yeah, loud-mouthed mcmotherfucker.
I'm having beer.
Yeah, you are.
It's amazing.
And we're all the better for you.
Don't tell anybody.
That's a 15.
That's not good enough.
You're going to take my 4d6 damage.
Alright.
14.
14 damage.
And I'm not done yet.
Okay.
I'm going to, what kind of room are we in?
You are in an open-ish cavern with the dimensions.
This room is about 20 feet wide by 30 feet.
How tall is it?
10 feet high.
Okay.
I'm going to conjure an animal.
I'm going to summon a dire wolf.
Because winter is coming.
And I yell, winter's coming, motherfucker, but that doesn't mean anything.
In this world.
My dire wolf will be last like me.
So I think the dire wolf gets to go right after me.
Okay.
Yeah, he'll go next.
Okay.
So I summon a dire wolf.
And I'm also going to do something else just for funsies.
Because I had a great fun with the last game of just fucking doing it.
Regardless of consequence.
And I think that might be now how I play.
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to unleash guacamole into the mix.
Keep in mind it's 10 feet tall roof.
I know.
Guacamole's not 10 feet tall.
How big is guacamole?
Guacamole carries you three motherfuckers around all the time.
Giant owl.
My giant owl is, wait for it.
Wait for it.
The anticipation is killing me.
Sorry.
It says size is large.
So it gets one size bigger than you.
So I'm sure it will fit in a 10-foot room.
Yeah, it'll be fine.
Okay, good.
It's just not going to fly very far if that's what you're hoping for.
No, I'm just hoping it attacks something with its talents.
Yeah, go for it.
Cool.
So I unleash guacamole as well.
All right.
Who is also a three.
What's the dex of each of those?
God damn it.
I'm sorry, you guys.
The dex is 15 for guac and 15 for the direwolf.
Roll off.
The direwolf gets 18.
Guac gets 13.
Okay, so the direwolf goes next.
Okay.
Yay.
It's all figured out.
That did seem, you know, a decent size for a battle this big is now pretty tight with
all these animals flying around.
Okay.
So the direwolf goes next.
So I point at the snake eye with the arms just because I have a bad feeling about
him because he looks like the other guy, which I realize I'm discriminating against
them, but they're bad guys.
One yawn T is not like the other.
So I'm going to say like, you know, I'm like, go bite him.
So he's going to.
So he runs over to bite the guy with the snake arms plus five to attack.
Oh, eight plus five.
Is that going to do it?
Sorry.
Eight plus five.
So 13.
Yeah.
Oh, nice.
None of them appear to have any armor on them.
So they're sweet.
You must succeed on a strength saving throw.
Okay.
To avoid being knocked prone.
But you still get all your damage, which is that will be that's an eight.
That's not good enough.
Okay.
So nine damage and he's knocked prone.
Okay.
Cool.
Your owl's turn now.
Walk.
It's be the most turns I ever get.
This is just the revenge for us always having to.
That's right.
This is totally fair.
Plus, this is like a menagerie in here.
I'm loving it.
Oh, yeah.
That's so much happening.
I point to the snake with the.
So I have one engulfed in flames with the snake body.
Right.
The snake bottom.
Was he the one with the snake head?
Okay.
Snake head.
Snake for arms is prone.
So snake lower half.
I'm going to tell guacamole to go and scratch the shit out of him with his
talents.
Twelve plus three fifteen.
That will hit.
Okay.
And it is two D six plus one six plus one plus one eight damage.
Okay.
Slashing.
You good.
All right.
Lizard.
I'm done.
All four lizard folks turns now.
Two are going to rush and attack the dire wolf that is in top of one of the
two one is going to attack you Thea and one is going to attack Flint.
Okay.
So the two going to the dire wolf their clubs.
That's a thirteen and a twenty one.
The twenty one will hit six bludgeoning and then both shields are going to hit
two.
That's a twenty and a natural twenty.
So that's going to be for the first one.
That's going to be five bludgeoning for the natural twenty.
That's going to be eight bludgeoning.
Okay.
Or piercing.
Sorry.
That was piercing.
The one going to Thea.
That is a fourteen.
Not good for its club and a twelve for its shield.
Good.
The one going to Flint is a ten for its club and a twenty three for a shield.
Okay.
So you got eight piercing damage from its spiked shield.
It is now Yanti who is knocked prone.
He is going to shape change into a medium sized snake.
These guys and their snakes.
It's not really as impressive as Thea's incredible transformations into other
creatures like I'm part snake.
I'm all snake.
I'm third snake.
Look at these snake arms.
What do I even do with these?
Doesn't even make sense.
It is going to slither underneath the dire wolf and come up right in front of
Nulara.
And shape change back into its Yanti form and strike at you with its scimitar.
With a hug.
Yeah.
Kill you with kindness.
That's a thing.
It's two attacks.
For the first attack, that is a sixteen.
I will not hit.
The second attack is a critical twenty.
Okay.
That'll do it.
So that is ten slashing damage.
Yeesh.
And now it's your turn, Nulara.
Okay.
Well, I guess I'm going to attack him.
Not with that.
Roll of eleven.
I will not do that.
Nope.
Well, let me try again.
How about a fifteen?
I will hit, yes.
Okay.
Ten damage.
Oh, Donnie.
Donnie got a twenty-one because he's amazing.
Five damage.
And you need to do a con saving throw.
And that was on the same one, yes?
Yeah.
Nothing happens.
They are immune to poison.
That's reasonable, especially since it's, I don't know, reptile poison seems particularly
Flint, you're up.
All right.
Seems like forever since I got started.
Somebody added a whole shit ton of stuff to me.
Sorry about that.
All good.
Okay.
What's the situation with like the spell casting ones?
What are they up to?
I don't even have a fucking clue.
One is fighting Nulara.
One was hit by the flaming sphere.
And the third one, it was attacked by guacamole.
So it is in combat currently with a giant owl.
Okay.
I'm going to go help out guacamole.
Sure.
And take a swing.
Guac appreciates it.
Yeah.
I figured you would.
And I'll take a swing at this Yon T sorcerer type.
Sure.
This is the one with the snake bottom lower half.
Yes.
That's a twenty-three.
Oh my god.
Yeah, twenty-three.
Look at his bottom.
It is so elongated.
Off the table.
Ten and another ten and four is twenty-four.
Okay.
Is that one still kicking?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
I will, I'll take another swing.
Oh, Flynn's so used to killing things.
First shot.
He hasn't hit the bottom of the Yon T before.
You've got to try, right?
That's a twenty, but not critical.
Yep.
That'll hit.
Yon T's are bitches.
Twenty.
Okay.
I'm going to take a swing.
Still alive.
And it's his turn now.
And he's going to say to Flint, I think it's time you helped us out.
Make a wisdom saving throw, Flint.
No, Flint.
Now question.
Before I tell you what I rolled.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
No.
I rolled a fourteen, but I was curious.
Do I still have advantage on wisdom throws?
Those were intelligence throws that you had.
Oh, nevermind then.
It was a fourteen.
Fourteen.
Wait.
Sorry.
Wait.
Waiting.
Wait.
Oops.
Oh.
Oh, nevermind.
You don't have any reactionary stuff.
Damn.
Sorry.
I thought maybe I had some to help you out, but this is.
I'm still pretty happy with fourteen.
Yeah.
Fourteen.
Yeah.
You feel the slight need to listen to him, but managed to shake it off.
Taylor Swift style.
Shake it off.
Oh man.
Tom.
See, that was.
Digital high five maybe.
Yeah.
He does not cast suggestion on you at that moment.
The first yonti, however, who is hit by the flaming sphere.
His turn comes up and he says.
What is he?
No, fuck it.
He's just going to attack somebody.
He's just going to run towards Thea.
He's going to run around your flaming sphere and swing at you with his scimitars.
Swing and a miss.
First one is a critical miss.
Second one, however, is a twenty two.
That'll do it.
And that is going to be seven slashing damage at you, Thea.
Thea, your troops turn.
But me first.
Okay.
So I'm going to first move the flaming sphere.
Who is where?
What?
So there are two lizard folk on the dire wolf.
There is one lizard folk on you, one yonti on you.
There is one lizard folk who is nearish to Flint.
Okay.
Now I got it.
Okay.
I'm going to do a really cool, like, back flip.
Like ten feet back.
Do you even have your fireball if you conjured another animal?
Are they not both concentration?
Am I not allowed to have two concentrations?
No, if you have one concentration, you lose the first concentration.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know that.
See, I don't get to do very.
No.
That's concentration.
Okay.
Never mind.
So your fireball disappeared.
Okay.
So I'm going to cast searing smite.
Has this ever been cast before?
I know.
That's what I was just thinking.
I don't think it has.
This sounds like a new one.
Yes.
So I'm going to use a melee weapon attack.
My weapon flares with a white hot intensity.
Not unlike your awesome Lulee Kelly knifey sword.
I'm so into this.
My weapon is going to be a scimitar.
So my scimitar is usually 1d6 plus one.
But now because of searing smite, it will add an extra 1d6 fire damage and cause my
target to ignite in flames.
At the start of its turn, until the spell ends, it must make a constitution saving
throw.
And on a failed save, it takes 1d6 fire damage again.
Jesus Christ.
Wow.
If the target or creature within five feet of it uses an action to put out the flames
or some other effect douses the flames, the spell will end.
Okay.
So shit.
Let's do let's roll.
I never roll.
Okay.
You got this.
I got this.
Okay.
My scimitar is plus six to attack.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
20.
That will hit.
Okay.
So it is 1d6 slashing plus one.
So it's four plus fire, which is seven.
Okay.
And it's on fire.
Does it have to make a constitution saving throw now or?
No.
On at the start of its turns.
Okay.
That's my turn.
Okay.
Dire Wolf.
Dire Wolf has these two mofos on it.
So it's going to bite one of them.
I don't care which one.
He also doesn't care which one.
So it's going to be, that is only a 12.
12 will not hit.
But it's a good thing that the Wolf has advantage on attack rolls against a creature.
If at least one of the Wolf's allies is within five feet.
I rolled a seven, which was the exact same thing I had just rolled.
Damn.
Okay.
Guac's turn.
Eleven plus.
There's too many pages I have up on my screen right now.
13.
Well, what are you hitting?
There's only one on Guacmoly.
You're hitting one of the Yanti?
Yeah.
That will hit.
Okay.
Eight damage.
Slashing.
Okay.
You're good?
Yeah.
I'm done.
All right.
What it's like when I have to wait for you guys with all your multitude of awesome attacks.
Okay.
So that one that Guacmoly just hit was also the one that Flint is on.
It is not looking well.
Go ahead.
The Lizard Folk's turn.
The two on the Dire Wolf strike it with their clubs and spiked shields.
That's probably not going to be very good.
That's a 10 and a seven with their clubs.
No to those.
And a 13 and a 10 with their shields.
No to those.
Okay.
The one that is on you, Thea, is going to be a 20 not critical with its club and a
20 not critical with its shield.
So that is going to be four bludgeoning damage and three piercing damage.
Okay.
Flint, there is a Lizard Folk who's following you around because he thinks you're the
bee's knees.
That's sweet.
I love the compliment.
And rolls a critical 20 with his club and a 10 with his shield.
So the critical 20 club will be 12 bludgeoning damage.
I thought I was impervious to clubs.
We've been over this.
Thea needs to make a Constitution saving throw.
Yes, she does.
What's you got to be?
Probably my spell cast modifier.
So Constitution, okay, he gets to roll with advantage against magical effects.
Not that that really matters.
That's a four and a seven.
So what does he take?
He takes 1d6, which is a six.
But then strikes at you with his scimitars.
That is a 17 and a critical miss.
17 will hit.
That's nine slashing damage.
Nulara, your turn.
Okay.
There's still Yonte attacking me.
Yes, one with the snake head is attacking you.
God damn, my rolls are terrible tonight.
That's a 14.
14 will hit.
Oh, well, still not great.
I don't take back my dissing of that roll, but I will happily take the damage.
12, simple mathematics, very hard.
12 damage.
And 18.
16 damage.
Yeah, girl.
Donnie will try and give him a little choppy chop.
Little nibble.
He will fail with his roll of 11.
Attaboy, Donnie.
He's really pleased with himself.
He made contact last time, so you know.
He's riding that high.
Yeah, exactly.
Flint, you're up.
All right, I will continue attacking the one that Guacamole and I are teaming up on.
And that's critical 19.
So this feels like a bit of a waste because I'm just going to liquify him.
Guac is okay with that.
She doesn't want to get hurt.
35 damage.
Oh, man.
Like, there's just a mist that comes as this guy.
Are there any chunks?
Because Guacamole will totally eat those.
Sure, there's a few chunks for Guacamole to eat.
So she just chows down.
She like flips him up in the air and just like gulps him down in one go.
Oh, yeah, they're like the ah, ah, ah kind of thing.
Yeah.
She's going to spit up those bones later.
Oh, yeah, 100%.
I will turn around and attack the other yawn T or whatever was attacking me before that.
There's a lizard folk on you.
Yeah.
Lizard folk sounds great.
So that is a 24.
That will hit.
24.
And it will fall to the ground dead.
Less misty.
But, you know, it's still equally, equally effective.
The first yawn T on new Laura says you will help protect the priestess.
Make a wisdom saving throw.
Ah, balls.
No, that's a 20.
Okay.
Nice.
So what do you say in return?
I say, ah, balls.
He just shrugs and he's like, well, fuck.
Thea, your turn.
Thea looks on at the weird exchange happening between Laura and her attacker and kind of shrugs.
So, okay.
So the one that so there's two still on my dire wolf.
There are two lizard folk on the dire wolf.
Okay.
I go over to.
You still have a yawn T on you.
Oh, I do.
Okay.
Well, I'll searing smite that yawn T, that yawn T song bitch.
Sure.
All right.
I have to hit him.
I do.
I actually have to I have to make an action here.
Okay.
21.
Yep.
It's 11 damage.
So it's dire wolf's turn.
Yeah.
He's going to continue to fight these assholes that are on top of him.
Sure.
No, I'm going to use my advantage or my attack roll because that roll is really shitty.
Yep.
29.
There we go.
18 plus five.
So 2d6 plus three.
So it's 13 on any one of the lizard folk that are on top of him.
Guacamole looks over at her brother.
Any creature that I conjured.
They're all they know they're all family.
So Guacamole goes over to attack the other one that he is not biting.
Oh, you have to make a wisdom.
Sorry.
You have to make a saving throw because otherwise he's knocked prone.
He's knocked prone.
Whoa.
He's knocked prone.
I was at one.
Ooh.
Okay.
So she's going to attack with a nat 20.
What?
On one of the lizard folk.
Yes.
That obviously is a knock prone.
I think.
Yes.
2d6 plus one.
So now this is 4d6 plus one.
Plus one.
Yeah.
You get to roll twice the dice, but keep the modifier the same.
You guys are all three sixes and a five.
Nice.
Mark of the beast.
23, 24.
Yes.
Guacamole picks this lizard folk up and shreds it in its talons.
And then the prone lizard folk stands up and attacks the dire wolf.
Can he stand up?
Yeah.
Oh, right.
He has to use that as, right.
That is going to be a 21 and a 21 with the club and the spiked shield.
Yep.
That'll do it.
The club is going to be four bludgeoning damage.
Spiked shield is going to be seven, so there's 11 total damage.
And then there is a lizard folk on you, Thea, still.
He's going to hit you with his club.
First, he needs to roll.
Why?
Because he's on fire.
No, that's the yawn T.
You've got a lizard folk on you who's just kind of been picking at you from behind that you haven't turned around.
Oh, that I haven't noticed at all.
He must feel really kind of.
He's so demoralized.
I know.
She's not even turning around.
She doesn't even know.
You really emasculated him.
Really?
I have no idea.
He strikes at you with a 14 with his club and a 19 with his shield.
The shield will hit.
So that's four piercing damage.
And I say sorry, buddy.
I have no idea.
Constitution save for the yawn T.
That is not going to save.
Give him some more fire damage or stuff.
Four damage.
And then he is going to scimitar you.
Well, he can try.
Probably not.
That's a 10 and a 14.
He didn't even try.
His heart just wasn't in it.
Nularaaaia, you're up.
All right.
So you still have the yawn T on you.
There is a lizard folk and a yawn T on Thea.
And I don't know what Flint's doing, so.
OK, well, I'll start with the yawn T on me.
Nobody knows what I'm doing.
Nat 20.
Yeah, girl.
Nice.
Except this dingus is probably just about to die, I hope.
It's like my fifth turn.
I've been fighting the same.
Oh, god damn it.
Got real aggressive with my dice roll there.
Sorry, I got to find it now.
She threw it across the room.
Got so excited.
16 damage.
What happens when you roll and add 20?
I get to do damage again?
Well, you roll twice the dice, but you keep your modifier the same.
So however many dice you roll, just roll those dice again and then add.
You only add the modifier once.
Oh, I see.
Do you want a total number?
Yeah.
We got that 16 from that first one.
Yeah, you can roll it.
He's dead.
But if you really just want to add it up.
He's super dead because it was 16 plus 17.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He doesn't.
Yeah.
Didn't stand a chance on that one.
So he is he is gone.
Okay.
You actually did so much damage to him.
We brought him back to life.
Like adrenaline.
Jump started.
Yeah.
Adrenalized him.
Yeah.
It's a whole crank situation.
Yeah.
We got we got a grade one crank.
We got a crank.
So for my second attack, I guess.
How about that poor sad guy?
It keeps trying to attack.
Yeah.
And it's getting nothing.
He's got nowhere with that.
You just you got a lot of shit going on right now.
You don't have time for his weak ass shenanigans.
But I guess I do.
That's a 15.
That will hit.
Okay.
Wow.
Those are probably the worst rolls I've ever rolled for damage.
But that's six damage.
Yeah.
That sounds like about my average for what I roll for damage.
So I roll 1d10 and 2d6 and I rolled a two, a one and a one.
Yeah, that's pretty bad.
Yes.
You strike him not very hard, but he looks surprised that someone's actually paying attention to him.
So I mean, he's hurt, but he's he's kind of vindicated.
He's kind of happy about it.
Yeah.
Like, he's like, it's on.
Well, he's going to be delighted then as Donnie comes and tries to give him a bite.
And that is a 14.
That will not do.
Okay.
Well, at least someone's paying attention to him.
Yeah, exactly.
That's all he really wanted in this situation.
Flint, you're up.
How many yawn T are left?
There is one, the one that is searingly smitten by Thea.
All right.
I'm going to go put my axe into its face.
Do it.
You got it.
Put him out of his misery.
He's been on fire for a long time now.
Twenty.
You split his cranium, his humanoid cranium, and he's just screaming and flailing his snake arms around wondering how this happened.
It looks so promising.
The choices you made, the choices you made.
So there is one lizard folk fighting the direwolf and one that is kind of in the midst of you three now.
Oh, is this the one that no one was paying attention to and is now happy to be?
Yeah.
Now happy to be beat all.
I'll pay it some attention.
Sure.
See how happy it is.
19.
That'll hit.
22.
More lizard guts spray across this cavern as the happy lizard folk goes off into the netherworld, the underworld, wherever lizard folk go as they die.
We'll do an episode looking into the...
Guacamole kind of waddles over and goes into my belly and then starts to eat him too.
Oh, geez.
Okay.
Girl's got to eat.
That one's dead.
Thea, your turn.
One more lizard folk fighting a direwolf who doesn't realize that all his brethren are gone.
Is he just kind of like grappling?
Yeah.
Guys?
Well, I still have a scimitar on fire, so might as well use it.
When in Rome.
Yeah.
I tap the direwolf and he kind of moves to the side because, you know, we're a pack.
We roll like that.
Ooh, 14.
We should have a plus six.
It's a plus five.
It's a plus six.
Oh, I've been calculating it wrong this whole time.
15.
Yeah, that'll hit.
Okay, cool.
1d6.
Plus one is three.
Plus fire damage.
Six.
Altogether.
Still alive.
Your direwolf's turn.
I step back and I like gesture like, after you.
And he gets a 19.
11.
After you allow it through, he jumps on top of this lizard folk and knocks it to the
ground and gives it the, like the dog shake.
Like when they get a hold of a toy they really like and they just whip it back
and forth.
Back and forth.
Yeah.
And it's body falls lifeless as it's thrown about this cavern.
I look at the direwolf and I go, drop it.
Drop it.
And he does.
And we, and I, good boy.
His face.
You know when you shake a puppy's face back and forth as you itch the sides.
Yeah, I do that.
His muzzle covered in blood.
Just like, oh, he's a good boy.
Well, hello.
Hello.
How's it going?
I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
Welcome and thank you for listening to episode 26.
Not really.
Welcome.
The episode's almost over.
This one titled Through the Portal and Down the Hole.
A little bit Alice in Wonderland-ish, but filled with more lizard guts.
As always, it always gets more lizard guts.
Just want to thank you and everyone for listening.
We always appreciate you spreading the word about the show.
And I want to send a special thank you to our patrons who have been loyally
sticking with us and slowly growing and taking advantage of some of the great
rewards that we have over on Patreon for joining our community over there.
If you want to get in on some of these rewards, which include bonus content,
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If you want to support the show in another way, not necessarily monetarily,
a rating and review on iTunes certainly goes a long way.
If you're listening to this on iTunes or we're on Stitcher, you can also do
reviews there.
We'd love to hear what you think of the show.
All links you can find in the description, including the one we mentioned
earlier in the episode with the out-of-character interview that we did
some time ago with the Bros and Dragons guys, including Adam Farber.
I'll leave it there.
Hopefully that was kind of connected enough.
I've just scribbled some notes down here.
We'll see how it goes when I edit it back.
The next episode will be out December 6th.
Let's get back down into the swampy, lizardy guts mess.
You are in this cavern and you look, there's the entryway you came in from
Diderius's crypt, which you see the door now sliding closed on.
To the west in this room, there is a long corridor that you see has a
bridge halfway through, but that is the only way to go.
I guess that's the way we go.
It seems to be the only way.
Let's go the only way we should go, guys.
Let's pretend we have a choice, guys.
I'm not sure, but I think we should go this way.
I was really leaning the other way, but I think you're right.
Something is telling me.
You walk down some steep stairs that lead to an uneven stone bridge
extending over a dark pit.
The bridge slopes downward 40 feet to another stairwell leading down.
Moisture drips down from the high ceiling, covering the bridge in a slick
moss that hangs over the edge in green cascades.
What order are we going in?
I'm last.
I'll be first.
I'm going to call middle.
What creatures do you still have with you?
I still have guacamole, who will fly, and I have the dire wolf.
You're still concentrating on that?
How long does that last?
That lasts one hour.
Where's the dire wolf?
The dire wolf will be behind me.
As you guys walk across, you notice that it's quite slippery, and you
all need to make a dexterity saving throw.
Can I call out to guacamole to fly me over?
Now, do my deerskin moccasins help me grip any better than normal combat boots would?
It seems like in the notes it says super bitchin, so I'm pretty sure that
they would give me advantage on those rolls.
I don't think so.
I only rolled a five.
Can I scream out to guacamole that I don't feel safe?
Help me, help me.
Sorry, I didn't need the advantage, Russ.
I'm good.
Does my wolf need to make a roll?
I rolled a 21.
Yeah, your wolf needs to make a roll as well.
My wolf did better than me.
Wolf is very dexterous.
I know.
10.
Flint and Nulara, you make it across, but you hear from behind you the slip and the,
what sound would Thea make as she slips and falls into a dark pit?
Whoop!
Like that comical banana peel slipping noise?
Yeah, a little bit.
And probably like, ah, fuck!
As she tumbles into the darkness.
You slip and fall down into the darkness, and your dire wolf tries to grab for you,
but is unable to hold on and follows down with you.
And you fall down through this darkness.
Guac.
Guacamole is unable to reach you in time.
And you fall 80 feet.
Oh my god.
Guys.
Wow.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna pizza splatter.
Well, she's the one that's lost forever, so let's continue on our mission.
Or she might be dead.
Oh my god, you guys!
They've given up on me completely.
This is bullshit.
We're not saying this in character.
We're very concerned in character.
Well, I can't speak for Flint.
I just saw that burning smite or whatever the hell you do.
Like, you need to live.
You don't have any like, um.
You don't have a feather fall or something you can bust out?
Yeah, feather fall or anything like that.
It's never come up before, so maybe not, but.
Can you, if you take a healing surge, the moment you impact,
do you think you can time it well to save yourself?
Maybe, if I'm falling 80 feet, like, I got some time, right?
You got a little time.
You have feather fall?
I don't think you do.
No, I don't have feather fall.
I'm pretty sure her special druid armor comes with feather fall.
I have cure wounds, can I?
Can you cast that on you as you impact?
Can I cast that on myself as I fall?
No, even before then, just to regain some of the
strength from the fight from before.
I know, I can hear him like, rattling a hundred dice.
He certainly does.
He has so many dice.
Can I, can I do that?
What?
Can I, as I'm falling, can I?
Sure.
Yeah, I can.
Yeah, sure.
You're just going to waste it.
As I fall, I hug myself like, fuck, and I cast cure wounds upon myself.
So I regain a number of hit points equal to 1d8 plus my spell casting ability modifier.
I get 10 back, you know, which ain't nothing.
So it's down to 36.
So.
You grasp yourself and regain 10 hit points as you feel yourself hit the solid stone floor
and you take 36 bludgeoning damage.
Oh, boy.
What?
But that only leaves me with 10.
And you are barely conscious as you look around you and see the beady eyes of many yonti young swarming around you.
That's my level up sound.
That's horrible.
Can I have a book?
Yeah, I got the monster manual.
Yes.
Love it when Thea turns into an animal.
I'm not going to turn into an animal.
I'm just going to bring an animal friend.
Yes.
She's going to blast Def Lefford to animal.
An animal from the Muppets appears.
And he beats the shit out of them with his drumsticks.
Amazing.
I'm on board with that.
Right?
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.